Fireworks Night: What the Experts Say, Under the Bed

It is the Fourth of July weekend, and the entire metropolitan area is, quite frankly, under a bed! Our Bianca Hairball Investigates team has surveyed 112 cats, and 111 of them could not be reached because they were under a bed.

The lone respondent, a Mr. Domino Pettigrew, told us from behind a washing machine, ‘I do not wish to discuss it.’ Experts recommend a quiet room, a blanket fort and a firm commitment to nothing. We stand with you, viewers. The booming will pass, and we will remain exactly where we are, trembling in glorious high definition.