Good morning, and welcome to a day that will live in infamy! At 6:42 this morning, a red dot appeared on the living room wall at 14 Larkspur Lane, and it is, I repeat, still there. Our chief correspondent Chip Whiskerton is on the scene, crouched, quivering and unable to blink.
Witnesses describe a ‘sudden, terrifying brightness.’ Police have set up a perimeter of two sofa cushions. Sources close to the dot say it will not be making a statement. We will bring you every twitch as it develops, right after this word from our sponsor, a tin of mackerel.
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